


Don't Speak

by Aiobhlin



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:45:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2438948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aiobhlin/pseuds/Aiobhlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An in-depth look at the events from Lee's perspective during the Lee/Kara flashbacks in Daybreak (1,2, and 3). A good portion of the dialogue is ripped directly from the show, but the subtext is my interpretation of both the acting and my own personal headcanon. This is my first fic, so be kind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Speak

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Prologue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2263713) by [embolalia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/embolalia/pseuds/embolalia). 



_How hard is it to find a frakking parking spot in this city?_ Lee checked his watch. He was still early, which was good, because it looked like he would have to park a couple of blocks away and walk the rest of the way to his brother’s girlfriend’s apartment. _What was her name again? Kathy? Karen? Shit._ He finally found a spot and did a neat parallel park, paid his meter, and took the bottle of wine out of the car before locking it and heading to the apartment on foot.

He thought about what Zak had told him about this woman. Apparently she was a great pilot, which meant that she must be at least a year ahead of Zak in the Academy, but she was probably older. Basic Flight was taken at the end of second year, so the girl was a third or fourth year at least. _Zak always did like older women._  Lee chuckled at the thought of all the teachers that Zak had professed his love for over the years. This girl was actually a little young for Zak’s usual preferences if she was still in the Academy. It was more likely that she was much older, maybe a staff pilot or something. Hopefully she wasn’t in his chain of command. His brother’s heart didn’t always take a rational route.

He was about a block from the apartment when he came across the man selling flowers out of a bucket. _Flowers are nice_. He bought a large but inexpensive bouquet of mixed wildflowers. _Hopefully that guy spends the money on more than booze._ As he walked up to the building, he juggled the bottle of wine and the flowers so he could free a hand to ring the bell. He hoped the flowers weren’t overkill.

When the door opened to a young, perky blond with a face-splitting smile, he was momentarily speechless. Not only was she way younger than he expected, but something in her eyes was incredibly arresting. For a moment he forgot about Zak as he stared into her eyes. Her smile slipped but quickly recovered.

“You must be...” she started right as he said, “Hi I’m...” They realized they were talking over each other. Then they both said his name together at the same time. She laughed, he didn’t. He was still looking at her eyes.

“Sorry, I’m Kara, come on in.” She opened the door a little wider and backed up to give him some room.  He forced himself to look away, and made sure he didn’t trip on himself as he walked in. “That’s nice,” she said, looking at the flowers. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yeah, well,” he said. _Guess the flowers aren’t overkill, after all._ He looked up at her, and that was a mistake. He was recaptivated by her eyes. Something seemed familiar about her. He was sure they had never met, but he still felt that there was something there, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on, that made him feel at home when he looked in her eyes. _Frak, this is going to be a long night._ He looked away again as she murmured about putting the flowers in water, then skipped down the steps calling for his brother. _Frak, my brother._ He did not like the feeling of jealousy that started to stir in his belly. To distract himself, he started looking around the apartment, but he couldn’t stop thinking about her eyes long enough to really register anything that he was seeing. Self-hatred started brewing on top of the jealousy he was feeling.

“Nice place.” He meant it, sort of. It was obviously cheap, but the artwork on the walls was beautiful, and they had obviously worked hard to make it habitable.

She chuffed. “It’s a rat trap, but the rent is cheap.”

“No really, it has a certain kind of charm.” If he was able to banter, maybe he could suppress the desire to touch her.

“You are a terrible liar. We should play cards sometime.” She smiled as she gathered up a vase to put the flowers in.

He was lying, he realized, but not about the apartment. “I hold my own.” He worked really hard not to look at her, and to keep the words from having a double meaning. _How am I going to survive this?_ He was saved from further conversation by the appearance of his brother out of the bedroom door.

“Man, you just get uglier every time I see you!” Zak said as he came up to Lee for a hug. “I see you’ve met my better half,” Zak said, gesturing to Kara. “This one’s mine, Lee, so keep your hands off.” Lee momentarily panicked ( _Can he tell?)_ before remembering the girl that they had both dated in high school.

“Oh, and a girlfriend stealer!” Kara’s eyes teased him as she went to put the flowers, now in a vase, on the dining room table.

“I never stole his girlfriend,” he protested. He hadn’t, after all. Zak and that girl had been broken up for at least a day before he had kissed her. Whatever made her break up with Zak wasn’t his problem. He put an arm around his brother’s shoulder, trying to think of a way to change the course of the conversation.

“Really bad liar, right here.” Zak said, squeezing his brother around the waist. They had put the high school girlfriend behind them long ago.

“Oh we have established that!” said Kara. She walked over to the two of them. “Zak, get the drinks,” she said, putting her hands on the sides of Zak’s face and kissing him lightly on the mouth. “Dinner’s almost ready.”

“Yes, sir,” Zak said, releasing his brother and heading to the refrigerator. Neither of them were looking at Lee anymore, which he was grateful for, because he was sure his face would have given away the spike of jealousy that he had felt as she kissed Zak. He quickly schooled his features.

“Beer okay? I have an ale and a lager.”

“I’ll take the ale, thanks,” said Lee.

Zak took two brown bottles out of the fridge and removed the caps with a viper-shaped bottle opener from the fridge door that Lee had previously thought to be just a magnet. He handed one to his brother and gestured to the couch in the living room. “Let’s get out of the kitchen while the boss finishes dinner. She gets testy when I get in her way.”

“The boss?” Lee asked.

“Yeah,” Zak said. “Kara’s a lieutenant.”

Lee almost spit out the beer he had just sipped, but managed to contain it and swallow. “A lieutenant? Not a student? Don’t tell me she’s on the faculty.” He was incredulous, but not surprised, really. “Seriously, Zak, what are you playing with? Dad will be furious if you get kicked out for breaking frat regs.”

“Listen, don’t push it,” Zak said, clapping his brother on the back. They sat. “We’re really discreet on campus, and Kara’s a true professional. Yeah, it’s against frat regs, but frat regs are a relic of a different time. We’re not at war or anything. I doubt it would ever be a true problem. So shut up about it.” Zak took a sip of his beer. “Don’t tell Dad, though. Not that you talk to him, but if you do, don’t tell him.”

“You’re closer to Dad than I am, Zak.” Lee leaned forward, put his elbows on his knees while holding his beer between them. He didn’t look at his brother. “Just be careful, okay?” He looked up and to the side, to see Zak staring soberly into the middle distance for a brief moment before shaking his head and flashing Lee with a brilliant smile.

“You worry too much! Like I said, we’re very discreet, and I doubt it would ever be a problem.”

 _Well shit. There goes the hope that they might reconsider, that she might become available._ Lee hated himself for the thought. He drank his beer, reminding himself how much he loved his brother and didn’t want a repeat of the high school girlfriend incident where they didn’t speak for over a month, when Kara’s voice called from the kitchen.

“Dinner! Come get it while it’s hot, boys!”

Zak winked at him. “We’d better get out there.” As both men stood, Zak leaned into his brother’s shoulder and whispered, “This is the first time Kara has cooked for guests, and she’s really nervous, so compliment the food, okay?” He stood up straighter and motioned to the bottle in Lee’s hand. “Do you want another beer? I think we might be having wine with dinner.”

Lee looked down and noticed that his bottle was empty. _When did that happen?_ He hoped he wasn’t going to embarrass himself tonight. He held his alcohol pretty well, but sometimes his tongue would get a little loose if he drank too much. The last thing he needed was to say something to Kara that would put a rift between him and his brother. _She’s not yours. You just frakking met her, for gods’ sake. Get your head together, Apollo._

“Wine will be fine, thanks.”

B

S

G

The food was really good, and Lee’s compliment was met with a smile and a blush that took his breath away momentarily. Luckily, Zak didn’t seem to notice, and Lee poured himself another glass of wine. Zak was good at maintaining the conversation, and the wine helped Lee relax. He focused most of his attention on his brother and tried to avoid thinking about Kara’s leg under the table. She had kicked him more than once. When Zak looked at Kara, his face would soften, and Lee would glance over at Kara. Kara’s smile almost never left her face, but Lee noticed that she didn’t look at Zak quite the way that he looked at her. _I wonder if she’s as serious as he is?_ He quickly redirected his mind away from the thought.

They were in the middle of a conversation about Gaius Baltar’s book on artificial intelligence when Zak’s cellphone rang and he left the room to take the call. Suddenly, an awkward silence descended on the table. Lee noticed the way that the light hit Kara’s hair, and she caught him looking and made eye contact. For the first time, her smile dropped, and her pupils dilated. All he could think about was kissing her. _Zak’s girlfriend. Zak’s. Move along, Lee._ He tried to remember what the conversation had been about. Right, artificial intelligence. Hopefully that would keep him from thinking about kissing her.

“Well,” Lee said, looking away, “At least it’s still illegal to develop any AI. I doubt the ballot question will pass. Too many people are still alive that survived the first Cylon war.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Kara replied. She’d been drinking quite a bit, but her words were still steady. “I don’t keep up with politics.”

Lee’s face snapped to hers. He gaped at her. “How do you decide which way to vote if you don’t keep abreast of the issues?” _Nice use of the word breast, pervert._ He carefully did not look at Kara’s cleavage, though there was certainly plenty of it.

“I don’t vote,” she said simply. She raised her eyebrows and took another sip of wine, making eye contact with him, almost daring him to argue with her.

He was flabbergasted, and spent the next several minutes arguing with her about the democratic process and the responsibility of military members to participate. He got so fired up he forgot that he shouldn’t be looking at Kara. She seemed to be enjoying the conversation thoroughly, teasing him about his buy-in to “the process.” _What is her agenda? Does she really believe the things she’s saying or is she just trying to rile me up?_ Their interplay had started to feel like flirting. He didn’t mind, and started saying things deliberately to get her to laugh. He loved hearing her laugh.  

Zak returned from his phone call with a new bottle of wine, refilling everyone’s glass.

“Lemme guess, he’s going on about voting and its importance to a democratic way of life. Again.”

“So, you were listening!” Lee knew his brother didn’t care about politics as much as he did, but hoped that as he matured, he would have greater interest in the big issues, at least.

“You didn’t tell me that your brother was an idealistic dreamer,” Kara said, looking from Zak back to Lee with a playful challenge on her face.

“Dreamer?” Lee said. He looked at her and then looked quickly to Zak again. Kara’s use of the words “your brother” had reminded him that he wasn’t flirting with just anyone, he was flirting with his brother’s girlfriend. _Frak._

“Sad.” Zak shook his head and looked at him with an expression of mock pity. “Truth is, he’s not! Beneath that romantic exterior lies the heart of a true cynic.”

“Oh really?” Lee said. He chanced a glance at Kara, who still looked thoroughly entertained, and then quickly focused on Zak again.

“Ahh, things are looking up!” Kara said, licking her lips before raising her glass to them again.

“This is going to be fascinating.” Lee was honestly annoyed with his brother, but more annoyed with himself for how he had gotten the conversation to this place. _If I hadn’t been pretending that Kara was just a girl we were having dinner with…._ He didn’t allow himself to finish the thought.

“Yeah, it’s one of the many, many many reasons that him and Dad are no longer on speaking terms.” Zak was slurring his words.

“Oh, come on,” Lee said. He looked down and away from both of them. The last thing he wanted to do was get in an argument with Zak about their dad right now. He cared about his father, he really did, but he hated the way that Bill had pressured both his boys into joining the military, even while demonstrating why it was such a bad idea with his long absences and fights with their mother.

Kara, however, seemed to love the idea of the two men going at it. “Family angst syndrome, I love it! C’mon boys, let’s open up some old wounds!”

“No, let’s not.” He tried to give Kara a meaningful glance, but she looked so excited at the prospect of the impending argument, he had a hard time remembering why he was so annoyed.

Zak took no time in reminding him, seeming to enjoy his girlfriend’s delight. _I wonder if he’s provoking me for her benefit? I wouldn’t blame him, she’s beautiful when she laughs._ Lee immediately hated himself again.

“Dad believes in the system, believes in the uniform, believes in something greater than himself!” Lee wondered if Zak was really listening to the words he was saying. Lee believed in the uniform and the system. This was NOT why he wasn’t speaking to his dad.

“Correction, Dad believes in himself. His uniform, his system, his way of life. And if you’re not with him in that tiny, little bubble, then you might as well not exist.” Lee was truly angry now. He remembered when he had gotten excited about politics and law during high school, and the fights they had gotten into. It wasn’t that Lee had never planned on joining the military, he just saw it as a pathway into law. His father, who had joined by lying about his age on his application, was a lifer.

“If you hate him so much, why’d you follow in his footsteps?” Zak challenged. Kara squealed with glee.

“Oh, touché!” He could feel her eyes on him, and deliberately kept his focus on his brother. He took a bite of the vegetables to think about what he was going to say.

“Service gave me four years of college, I gave four years to the service. Simple as that.” He looked at Kara and wondered if she would recognize the lie, since he knew that she was a crack viper pilot. Truth is, flying vipers was way more exciting than law. Maybe one day it wouldn’t be, but for now, he really enjoyed it.

“See?” Zak slurred. “A cynic. Right to the big empty space that used to hold his heart.”

Lee closed his eyes for a moment. _I still have a heart, brother. I wish I didn’t._ He could feel Kara’s smile warming him and chanced a glance at her.

“Honey, I think I’m starting to like your brother,” Kara said, looking over to Zak.

Lee again wondered if Kara felt the relationship was as serious as Zak did. He blinked and dispelled the thought, but kept looking at her. She was laughing. _Gods, her smile and her laugh are so beautiful. I wish I could make her laugh forever._ If he was honest with himself, though, he wanted to do more than make her laugh. He forced his smile back into place and looked over at Zak with more than a little guilt. _This is Zak’s girlfriend,_ he reminded himself for about the hundredth time that night.

B

S

G

By the time the fourth bottle of wine was empty, it was clear that Zak needed to go to bed. He could barely sit up.

“C’mon, help me get him to bed,” Kara said, giggling. Lee laughed and moved to the other side of his brother. He put Zak’s right arm over his shoulder and lifted as Kara took his left. Her hand was against his waist. Lee felt blood starting to shift into his crotch. As Zak professed his love for both of them, Lee and Kara quickly discovered that they themselves were too drunk to get him to the bedroom. “The couch!” she proclaimed, and laughing they both worked to get him settled on the couch. Kara fell into a sitting position under Zak’s legs, and her shirt tugged down, revealing her bra and a good swath of breast. Lee noticed, but managed to avoid making an ass out of himself as he let her out. _Frak, what do we do now?_ She fell against him as she stood up. Lee struggled to figure out what to say.

“Well, he never could hold his liquor.” Lee noticed that his own words were slurring a little bit, and hoped he’d be able to behave himself now that his brother was passed out on the couch.

“Unlike his brother.” Kara giggled. They made eye contact and Lee wondered what she was thinking. He decided to pretend he noticed nothing.

“Hey, I’m still standing,” he protested.

“Which means,” Kara said, jumping toward him. She took a moment before finishing the thought and put her hands on his shoulders. His hands moved to her waist out of their own volition. His brother was forgotten as he looked from her eyes to her mouth and wondered if she was going to kiss him. He hoped she would. However, she bounced one more time and whispered, “It’s time for shots!” He kept staring at her mouth, but she pulled away from him and booped a finger against his nose before skipping over to the ambrosia and shot glasses they kept on top of a small cabinet. She picked up two glasses and a bottle and turned and grinned at him, wiggling the glasses and looking thoroughly pleased with herself. Lee started to think that this attraction was one-sided. _It should be. She’s Zak’s girlfriend._ _I should leave now._

“Are you coming?” She called from the dining room. She was already filling the glasses. Her enthusiasm was infectious. He took a deep breath and steadied himself.

“Can I use your bathroom?” He needed some space if they were going to keep drinking. _I should leave while I still can._ He followed her directions and resisted looking in the shower to see what kind of shampoo she used. He didn’t want to see their things together, didn’t want to be reminded of her relationship with Zak. He splashed a little cold water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror.

“She is Zak’s girlfriend, Apollo. You can and will respect that.”

Even he didn’t believe himself.

B

S

G

 

As he returned to the kitchen he saw Kara pouring herself another shot. He sat down next to her and picked up his glass. He lifted it and looked at her face. She was grinning and flushed. He made eye contact and felt that familiarity again. She didn’t seem to notice as she clinked her glass against his. They both tossed their shots back and she slammed her glass down onto the table, while he put his down more gently. He watched her mouth as she wiped it with the back of her hand. Then she looked up at him again and she was no longer smiling.

Lee had no idea how long they stared at each other like that. It took all his willpower not to reach over and touch her face. She was leaning forward and was breathing with her lips parted slightly. _I wonder how those lips would feel on my cock._ The thought was unbidden and he was glad that they were separated by the table. He shook his head slightly and grabbed the bottle to pour himself another shot. She coughed and slid her glass toward him, and he filled that too while trying to figure out what to say.

“So, Zak tells me you’re an excellent pilot.” He thought about flying, and wondered if she loved it the way he did.

“Yeah, I love being in the air. There’s something really invigorating about grabbing a big stick between your legs, you know?” He looked up at her face, and she was grinning mischievously. He realized that she probably knew the effect she was having on him, and didn’t care. _Stay on target, Apollo._

“I remember the first time I got into a viper sim, and was floating around in space. I knew it wasn’t real, but it felt so amazing I couldn’t imagine how I had lived for so long without it. Then, when I got into a real viper, I felt so alive. Nothing else feels the same way.”

“I thought you were only giving the service four years,” she teased, poking at his arm. He chuckled and looked at her. “I knew you were lying! The way you talk, you’re going to be in the fleet for life!” She leaned back and giggled, then threw back another shot.

He played with the rim of his shot glass. It was still full. “That was the plan,” he said. “Four years, then law school. But you’re right, I can’t give up flying.”

“No,” she said quietly, “you can’t give up flying. You’ll never be able to give it up.” She was leaning forward on her elbows now, looking up at him, daring him to fight with her. He forced himself to look at her eyes instead of her breasts, which were almost completely exposed by her posture. They looked soft and full, and he estimated that they would each fit almost completely in his hands. He hardened at the thought and took a shaky breath.

“What about you?” He said. She just looked at him and smiled, and he was dazzled into silence once again. He shook his head and threw his shot back, not looking at her as she grabbed the bottle and emptied it, refilling both of their glasses. “For someone who likes flying so much, you certainly picked the wrong job. How often do you get in a cockpit anyway?”

“Not as often as I’d like, but more than I would otherwise. And I like being an instructor. Yelling at nuggets is almost worth spending most of my time on the ground.”

“Wait, you’re a flight instructor?” He closed his eyes and prayed that what he suspected was not true.

“Yeah, Zak’s one of my students. That’s how we met. Did he not tell you?”

“No, he most certainly did NOT tell me! What are you two playing at?” He glared at her, angry at her for putting her career at risk. It would only occur to him much later that he was more worried about her than he was about Zak.

“Listen, it’s not really that big of a deal. I can be professional, and the rules are stupid anyway. Besides, we’re not that serious.” She looked like she almost believed it. It was clear from the way her answer was so similar to Zak’s that she’d had this conversation in the past.

“Not that serious.” He said. He took his shot. _Is she giving me permission?_

She stood up, walked over to the liquor cabinet, and grabbed a new bottle of liquor. As she walked back, she smiled at him, but not her face-splitting, giggly smile. This one was more serious. He looked at her eyes and saw the heat he felt reflected back at him. She opened the bottle, poured them each a new shot, and sat down, scootching her chair forward until their knees were touching.

“You know what I think about when I fly? I think about dying. About how space is so big, and we’re such a small part of it, and the worlds and the stars and the vacuum won’t notice when I’m no longer here.” She lifted her glass and leaned forward, looking into his eyes. He clinked his glass against her. She was smiling. He was not. Her words shot through him and he wondered what he was getting into as he leaned closer to her face. He was thinking about kissing her again, but this time there was no guilt. He had forgotten about Zak. They froze like that for a moment, and then she leaned back to take the shot, and he followed a second later.

“Ah, you’re tempting fate,” he said, contemplating his glass. His words were laden with double meaning.

“Mmm,” she said, leaning forward and bracing her arm against the table. She looked like she was finally getting drunk. “If I have a fate, then it is set, and thinking about it isn’t going to make it happen any faster.” He looked up at her, and she had an almost serene look on her face. _Where is this going?_

“Okay, fair enough. But flying? When you’re thinking about dying, and…” he searched for the right words, and leaned forward into her. “It’s a bad way of doing business. You’re gonna get scared and you’re gonna start second guessing yourself.” He was annoyed, he realized, at the thought that she could get hurt.

She laughed and looked away, then raised her head back toward him. Their foreheads were almost touching. “I’m not scared.” Her eyes were honest, her smile gentle.

“You just said that you think about dying every time that you get into a cockpit.” He responded to her smile with one of his own, but he hurt a little bit at the thought that she might be suicidal.

“Uh-huh.” She said. She smiled and met his gaze. She looked like she had a secret. _I wish I could unlock all her secrets._ He felt like he would be willing to spend the rest of his life figuring them all out. He was afraid that, with her apparent death wish, she would die before he could discover them.

“Well, hello!” He was trying not to make it too serious, but he couldn’t help it. He was serious.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t scare me, Lee, that’s what you don’t get.” It was the first time she had said his name since he came through the door, and he felt something he didn’t want to identify clench around his heart.

He looked back and forth between her eyes and her mouth, momentarily frozen by the thought that he could lose her. “What, so it’s Kara Thrace, fearless warrior?” He smiled so she would think he was teasing. She laughed and leaned closer to his face, then sang a little song while moving her arms, pretending to be a soldier. He couldn’t help but laugh. She was beautiful.

“No, I know fear,” she said, her face getting serious again. “And I get scared, just….just not of dying.” She looked into his eyes and he wondered if she was telling him that he scared her, that this feeling that was growing between them was mutual and frightening for her.

“So then, what does scare you?” He asked. He really wanted to know. He wanted to know everything about her. His hand reached across the table and grasped hers, stroking her knuckles with his thumb. She didn’t pull away, just rubbed her thumb against his fingers in return. They stared at each other for a moment.

“Mmm,” she said, breaking eye contact and pulling her hand away. He laughed nervously, worrying that he had pushed her too far. She poured them both another shot. “Sorry,” she said. He picked up his glass and looked at it, trying to figure out a way to change the subject. He suddenly felt like there was a time limit on their interaction, and wanted to stretch it out as much as possible.

“Being forgotten,” she said. He quickly looked back up at her. She was looking directly into his eyes, and was dead serious. He felt like she had never told this to anyone else, and it pulled at his heart. _This is what people feel like when they walk into the temple. This is why people believe._ The comparison to religion only surprised him a little, but he could easily worship Kara Thrace and be happy with it.

“Well,” he said, and swallowed. He leaned forward a little closer. Their lips were so close, but he wasn’t going to make the first move. “I’m certainly never going to forget this, or you.” They stayed that way, breathing. She was the one to back away, shaking her head and laughing. She slammed back her shot, and he did the same.

“Depends on how drunk you get!” She poured them each another shot, and leaned forward and laughed. _What just happened?_ But he laughed. “You’re right, you know. This is the wrong job for me.”

“Oh? How so?”

“I wouldn’t have picked it, but I punched one of the Captains on the _Minotaur_ and was grounded.”

“You punched him?” Lee wanted to be offended, but honestly it totally fit with her. He would bet on her in a fight. He smiled, instead, at her audacity.

“Yeah I did! He was cheating at triad. Won with the same hand, the exact same hand, twice in the same night. When I called him on it, he insisted he wasn’t cheating, and called me a whore. Next thing I know I’m sitting in the brig. I thought I’d get kicked out for that, but the XO knew the guy was a total dick, AND I’m the best viper pilot in the fleet, so he just sent me down here for a couple of semesters to teach nuggets how to fly.” She took another shot and smiled at him, proud of herself.

“Best pilot in the fleet, huh? I might have to challenge you on that.” He smiled slightly, but the challenge he was thinking about giving her had nothing to do with vipers. He looked again from her eyes to her lips to her breasts and wondered if he was going to get to touch them tonight.

“Oh ho, you are ON. I will fly circles around you, pretty boy.” She poked a finger at his chest. He took a sharp intake of breath.

“Yeah, good luck with that,” he said. They stared at each other for a moment, before she filled both their glasses again. She raised her glass to him and gave him a challenging look. He smiled, picked up his glass, and clinked it against hers. They both took the shot and put the glasses down.

“You and me, right here, right now,” she said. He looked up at her sharply. She wasn’t talking about vipers, but couldn’t mean what he thought she meant. Did she? He tried to suppress the swell of hope that raised within him. And, well, the other swell, this one much lower.

“What, on the table?” he asked. He was sure she would say no, but instead she moved some of the dishes to the side.

“I dare you.” She leaned forward and breathed on his face. “I double dog dare you.” The childishness of her words was belied by the heat in her eyes.

“Oh ho, a double dog dare!” She stood up and wiggled her hips at him. “Alright,” he said, standing up and taking her hips into his hands. The heat of her skin burned into him. He wasn’t smiling anymore, just looking at her mouth. Her smile faltered for a second while she looked at him, and he saw the same desire in her face that he felt. He was about to lean forward and kiss her when she slid over and sat on the table. She tapped her thighs twice and giggled. He knew, hoped, that her smile and seeming nonchalance was a cover for how much she wanted him too. He stalked toward her and put his hands on the table next to her, leaning in to kiss her neck.

She wiggled away from him and he caught onto the game, climbing up onto the table between her legs. She looked up at him, still smiling, but her eyes were full of promise, and her smile wasn’t as big as it had been. He gave in, leaned forward and kissed her lightly, then more firmly, pushing her chest down toward the table. She tasted like ambrosia and light. Then her hand knocked over one of the wine glasses from earlier and it shattered on the floor. He didn’t care.

“Oops!” came a voice from the living room. “Something’s broken!”

They both froze on the table. _Zak. Frak._ He didn’t know if he was angrier about forgetting his brother, or that his brother interrupted the moment. He glanced at Kara and saw her looking toward the living room with a look of horror on her face, and he knew it was over. He eased himself back off of the table. He refused to look at her while she got off the table and readjusted her shirt.

“I guess I better, uh, get going.” He said.

“Uh, yeah.” She replied. Neither of them sounded happy about it. He wondered if she felt as guilty as he did. He still wanted her. If she reached over and took his hand, he’d follow her into the bedroom, Zak be damned. _What is wrong with you, Leland?_

But she didn’t look at him, just walked past Zak to the hook on the wall where she had hung his jacket, bringing it to him and looking at the floor. He walked over to meet her, his gait more unsteady than he expected. _Exactly how much did you drink? This is what happens when you lose control._ She handed him his coat and finally looked at him. He could see the regret on her face, which was probably mirrored on his own. _Regret at what, though? That we almost cheated on Zak or that we didn’t get to?_ She cleared her throat and held out her hand.

“It was nice to meet you. Lee Adama.”  She said his name like a prayer, and his breath caught. He stared at her eyes. _Really? That’s it? It was nice to meet you?_ The sane part of him knew that this was best, and so he reached up and grasped her hand.

“Likewise, Kara Thrace.”  He stared into her eyes, hoping that this wasn’t the end, knowing that it was. His brother grunted on the couch next to them. Lee refused to look at him.

Finally, Kara looked away first, and walked back into the kitchen to fetch a broom and dustpan. _So that is it._ He stared after her, wondering if she would look back at him. When she didn’t, he finally shrugged his coat on and slowly headed up the stairs.

The cold air when he got outside was sobering, but when he started walking back to his car, he knew he wouldn’t be able to drive. Briefly he thought about driving anyway, consequences be damned, but in the end his practical side won him over, and he pulled out his cellphone and called a cab company.

During the cab ride home he kept replaying the night in his mind. _What if we hadn’t broken the glass? What if Zak had stayed asleep?_ He was glad for the dark and the length of his coat, because he was still so turned on by what almost happened. _You’re disgusting, Lee Adama_. His self-admonition didn’t tamp his desire at all. By the time the cab arrived at his house, the sun was coming up. _Is it really that late?_ He threw some cubits at the cab driver and stumbled through the front door.

“Holy frak,” he said, looking around. He hated the reality that was looking at him. “I dare you. I double-dog dare you,” he recited, reliving the moment while he stripped off his jacket. He giggled at the memory but it still hurt, knowing it hadn’t happened. He looked over at the kitchen counter, spying a wine glass from a few nights ago. If he was going to be left alone with his right hand, he might as well get drunker. But when he reached for the glass, he slipped, pushing it to the floor and shattering it. Before he could get angry at the symmetry of it, the sound of flapping wings distracted him. He looked up just as the pigeon flew close to his face before landing on the floor in his living room.

“Get out of here!” he yelled. He noticed how his words were slurred and was embarrassed for himself. The bird flew into the rafter. _So close, and yet out of reach. Just like Kara._ He grabbed a broom to beat at the bird, breaking a lamp in the process, but the damn thing wasn’t going anywhere near the open door. Finally he collapsed on his couch and dozed off. When he woke up, the bird was sitting on the coffee table right in front of his face. However, as he leaned forward to catch it, it flew away—this time leaving the apartment. He shook his head, trying to clear it. _Damn, that hurts. Who left the door open, anyway? Was I that drunk?_ As he stood up to go close it, he realized that he was still that drunk. _Frak._ He closed the door and then headed back to the couch, grabbing the ice bucket off of the counter on his way. His shoes crunched on the glass. _I’m going to have to clean up this mess._ He didn’t trust himself to do anything but sleep for now, though.


End file.
